Ian wants me to ride the Griffon at Busch Gardens.
“Mom, you have to face your fears.”
But I have faced my fears, many because of him. He made me face my fear of reproducing that which I hated in myself – anxiety, anger, bouts of darkness.
He made me face my fear of becoming a parent, which I had a better example of by watching Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom, than by observing those who raised me.
He made me go into the ocean, where I felt little besides fear, full of creatures which look upon me as I do the centipedes in my bathtub– “you don’t belong here, so I am going to have to kill you now.”
And those fears I had already faced – Ending my first marriage, six years in – fraught with disagreements, two people going in opposite directions. I was afraid to leave, afraid of hurting my husband, disappointing our
families, friends, not to mention, Jesus. I was prepared to be alone – preferable to the loneliness of an unhappy
Then marrying again – a man with whom I was much better suited, but a possible flight risk at the time.
I faced my fears by moving to Richmond, where I knew no one besides the person I came with. I
faced my fears by taking jobs for which I had no qualifications, but enough smarts to fake it until I figured it out.
I face my fears every day – don’t we all?
I don’t have a theme.
No focus area, no brand, not even much of a clever title.
All I have are words, 300 – maybe less, never more.
They are my words, and if you choose to read them, I promise to keep it simple and honest.
I’m sure you will find recurring themes, things that loom large in my not-large life, that which is most important to me. Family, books, Pilates and my psychotic cat. Friends, music, sleep, and my psychotic mother.
And love, of course. I currently own a 12 year-old-boy, so that will pop up, as will my sweet sister and my inability to smell anything. It sounds boring already, I know. And I’m telling you up front, I’m not cool and never will be, even if I take up smoking. Nor am I edgy or provocative or a vegetarian. But I’ll tell you the truth, my truth, and sometimes it might be yours, too. If it is, you can let me know.
I believe in connections; I believe there is great strength in connections, and in the solidarity it gives us and the energy we share with each other. I suppose if I were to have a theme, that would be it – that we’re all in this, we’re all here – now – so we should make the most of every interaction.
I try to choose kindness; not be an asshole. I try to show up on time (really, I do), be considerate, say thank you
and mean it. I believe it’s important to shut up and listen. To say what you mean to say, while you’re still here to say it. Maybe it will help someone else to hear it; maybe it will help you. And finally, assume nothing. Because, it seems, the unexpected waits around every turn.
I was born in Oswego, NY,
"I had always wanted to be a writer, but was impeded by the belief that to be a writer one had to be extraordinary, and I knew I wasn't. By the time I was ready to give up my academic career I had realized that while books are extraordinary, writers themselves are no more or less special than anyone else." The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield