MY UNTRUSTWORTHY GUT

I once started a job in July and gave notice five days later.  I was miserable – it was not what I wanted to be doing; wrong environment; not the place for me.  All these things I said to the HR manager, the same guy who hired me.  He understood – these things happen. But as for the notice – would I be willing to stay until they found my replacement?  Of course I would – it’s the right thing. 

I remember vividly the feeling of sweet relief after walking out of his office.  Now I could relax… and enjoy the job.  And then become quite good at it.  I stayed all summer.   Eventually I transferred to a North Carolina office.  Eventually I worked there for seven years.

That was my first clue that I shouldn’t “trust my gut.” 

Being overwhelmed translated to insecurity, which morphed into the belief “I’ve made a huge mistake.”  That exact sentiment, the “huge mistake,” has surfaced often, accompanying life-changing events including, but not limited to, marrying Mike, becoming a mother, and Pilates instructor training.   So when I am seized by the desire to “give notice,” mentally, I do.  In my mind, I convince myself that I am no longer required to do this – and this gives me the freedom to move forward, without worry of failure. 

I honestly don’t know if they even looked for my replacement at that first job.  Maybe that HR guy knew, in his gut, that I was being misdirected by mine.  That all I needed to do was “quit” to take the pressure off, and I’d be fine.  That I was simply scared.  But I know now what lives in my gut, so if my gut says “get out,” it’s really the fear talking – fear, which I no longer let take the wheel.